This is a cry out for advice to all you parents out there.
I have a little stinker for a daughter. Ever since I was pregnant with her, my little girl resists sleep. In utero she would kick for literally hours at a time. She was born face up with her eyes wide open. Her first week, she would go 12 hours without sleeping, and then have a 45 minute cat nap. The problem I’m facing now is that she is Miss Grumpy pants all day long. She has the biggest hissy fits known to man and she’s only 4 months old. She resists sleep with everything in her. Once she does (finally!) fall asleep, it’s her staying asleep that’s the problem.
Here’s some background: I nurse her on demand, (usually every 3-4 hours) and I don’t drink any caffeine at all. I also stopped taking dairy, as the paediatrician thought she may be lactose intolerant. She takes medicine for acid reflux, but it doesn’t do much for her.
She will not sleep for Julien (whenever we’ve tried this she has huge crying spells that last 2 hours) and for me she will but only in my arms or with me next to her.
Here’s what I’ve tried so far to help my little one sleep:
*White noise (it makes her scream because she gets overstimulated)
*Calming music (again, overstimulates her)
*Swaddling (this works to calm her down, so I keep doing it. Then she isn’t swatting herself in the face and wiggling all over tarnation)
*Nursing her to sleep (this also works, but she wakes up the second we put her in her bed. Then we have a crying match for about an hour)
*Finger sucking. This works wonders; the problem is that we can’t stay with a pinkie in her mouth 24/7. We have tried the pacifier many many many many times to no avail. I don’t know how to break her of this habit, any suggestions?
*Letting her cry it out. This resulted in a screaming match for 3 hours until I finally cracked and went to get her. She had wiggled her way out of the swaddle and was all over her cradle. The poor little thing was so upset that she was still sobbing as I nursed her and it took another 2 hours to get her to sleep after that.
*Putting my t shirt in her bed. This has worked a little, as she buries her face in it and then I can actually leave the room for 15 minutes. Then she wakes up.
To me it seems like she is afraid of being alone, but I could be totally off my mark. I am tired of spending 2 hours trying to get her to sleep for every nap, only to have her sleep 20 minutes.
Any suggestions you have would be most welcome, as I’m really at my wit’s end.
Thanks!
15 comments:
Hey Becky,
Wow!! I hear your pain, that is so tiring, and exhausting! Our first baby was also very difficult never sleeping more than 15 minutes at a time. I did a lot of the same things as you, to no avail. We were finally able to get a break through at 5 months where I think I became so determined to get him down awake since nothing else worked. There were tears all around, but eventually we got something going only for another growth spurt to set in. They say as soon as you think you have it figured out, they change and or grow, or start teething...etc.. All I can really say is this time will pass faster than you can realize in your sleep deprived moment, and there is a good chance, that your 2nd baby one day will be the complete opposite, one that sleeps a lot more. My second baby had 2 hour naps, then a little feed, and back to sleep. It was amazing. So I always tried to keep the attitude with the first that at least I only had 1 and it could only get better, and eventually it really did. I think you are doing great job, and you are obviously the best mom for the job!
Wait...how did manage to get my daughter's clone?
Word for word, your post described my daugher Laura. She is now 31 years old and I still shudder at how hard she resisted sleeping and how easily she could scream for 2 hours straight.
The ONLY thing that worked for her was driving around or her grandmother patting her back inthe crib for hours. (The same technique did not work for me.)
My sanity saver: the book "The Difficult Child." Written by two psychiatrist, who had two perfect babies, and then had a third who destroyed all that they knew about little ones.
The best part was guidance from birth to school age...as the "difficult" elements stick with kids for years. Yes, my Laura never would zonk out until her late teens. The book gave me assurance that the very things that made my child difficult would later be her greatest strengths as an adult, her specifice traits would serve to make her an excellent fit for unique positions in life.
It was true. She became a bone marrow transplant nurse, with crazy hours that worked well for her. She is now a hospice nurse in San Diego, and is terrified that if she ever had a kid it would be just like she was as a child.
I suspect her uber calm brother will get that handful, and she will get the easy kid. Because life is just not ever really fair.
I would also suggest having your daughter checked by a chiropractor for post delivery mis-alignment, learn infant massage, consider lots of time in the water and DEFINITELY get someone to give you a break from the screaming frequently. Wish I had done more breaks!
God bless you!
Hey Becky,
Sorry to hear you're having a rough go. I, along with many of my friends read the book "Babywise", it's all about scheduling and creating healthy sleeping patterns. Assuming the baby has no health concerns, it works extremely well. Granted it will take some time and of course the older they get the easier should be...should being the operative word. At six months, I did incorporate the screaming it out method, it worked but after 5 days of it. Not fun, but for me having a somewhat flexible schedule and being really routine helped a lot. The book explains it all, but it takes work and perseverance. Once you do find what works for you it's all worth it. Best of luck, I know it's tough but one day, one day you'll see the light...they'll sleep when they're 20 right? :)
xo
Kristy (Thom)
Becky, my heart goes out to you! I remember (19 years ago) how tough things were with Nathan. We would go for drives, but as soon as we stopped he woke up. We put him in a rocking swing, but as soon as that stopped, he woke up. I would put him on the dryer as it was working (wishing I could throw him in... but never did). Now that I look back, I think I know what caused his, mixing his formula in a blender... causing tons of bubbles. But he also was constipated, so we had to add prune juice to his formula (he was on soy). He was colicky for 2 years.
The best treatment was people coming over and holding him while he screamed and made me go out for a walk, or just out with Tim to get away. Sometimes I even left him in his bed crying, and went for a walk... leaving him in the apartment himself... I just had to for my own sanity.
Another thing I resorted to, and I know this isn't kosher, but I would give him Tylenol or Gravol so he would sleep (and so could I).
I probably didn't handle things in the best way all the time, but I did what I had to do at the time.
Oh, sometimes I would get some young girls to come over and be with him while we went out... I wonder who that was?
Thinking of you, and LOVING your blog! You are a gifted writer! And I can see that through all this unrest and lack of peace, that you love your little jelly bean to bits!
I found your blog from Heidi :)
I coslept with all my babies, it was the only way for me to sleep. If your baby doesn't want to be alone... it might be an option for you too. I slept with the baby in bed with me, but that is instinct and not everyone is comfortable with that. You can also purchase/build a little sidecar cosleeper and tuck beside your bed. around 9 months they started to sleep more on their own (in the sidecar) until around a year when I put them in the crib.
I know it isnt for everyone but I wouldnt trade a second of snuggling and sleeping next to this itty bitty body, knowing how warm and protected my child felt.
also-- miracle blanket. worth every penny.
hey becky! just getting caught up on my blog reading...wishing i had some super amazing advice for you. what worked for us eventually was following the babywhisperer book, which is similar to babywise, except for the crying it out part. she gives some great ideas for not letting your baby cry alone, but being there for her and showing her she can sleep in her own bed. we used a method called "pick up put down" with tristan at around 5 months and it took about a week of persistence before we saw the results. i think i'll post a link to your blog from mine so that you get some more comments, i know how much mommys love to give advice to other mommys! :) ((hugs))
Becky,
Wow, long time no talk! I found your blog through Heidi's and wanted to write a little something. I too have given birth to a little girl who doesn't like to sleep. And cries all night long. Days & nights switched, doesn't want to be held, doesn't want to be in bed......did I mention she cries? Well, I'm at the 2 month mark and THE ONLY THING that has helped was the brilliant wisdom I read in the book, "The Baby Whisperer. By Tracey Hogg" I purchased it on Amazon and I SWEAR by it now. It's all in the order of things for baby. For instance: you nurse baby, then keep them up for a while THEN they go to sleep. It's all in not allowing them to sleep right after they nurse. It helps regulate their system to a more predictable regime. It totally helped, not eliminated the problems, but helped for sure. She went from not sleeping hardly at all to sleeping for short naps. Hey, some is better than none! Honestly, it will work. Just try. At this point you have nothing to lose. I know Heidi abides by the Baby Whisperer too.
Here's a link for you to check out.
http://www.amazon.com/Secrets-Baby-Whisperer-Connect-Communicate/dp/0345479092/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1255397803&sr=8-1
Hi Becky,
I also found your blog through Heidi. I definitely second the check-up by the chiropractor. It can work wonders in many cases.
My eldest son was a nightmare sleeper. He woke and nursed so frequently that I slept no more than 45 minutes at a time until he was 5 months old. Co-sleeping kept me sane.
He is still a very spirited child and like the past comment said, I think he will be the perfect fit for a unique career someday. The good news is, that he became an awesome sleeper around the one-year mark.
My second baby who is an okay sleeper (perhaps even a not-so-great sleeper by some people's definition) seems like a breeze compared to my eldest.
If you have a baby bjorn, wear her facing you as much as you possibly can. When she falls asleep for her "nap", leave her in. You'll quickly get used to going about your day with her there and she'll have the reassurance of your presence. If you don't have a baby bjorn - get one. It's worth it!
I am one of the very blessed ones who has a good sleeper... so I really don't know what it's like, but I can imagine as it was hard just being up a few times each night...
One of my friends had a difficult baby (sometimes up until 2am and her baby still hadn't slept since the morning before). HARD. She ended up getting the Angel Care Monitor and sleeping her daughter on her tummy. She also taught her to suck her thumb as she also refused to keep the soother. I know that it took nights for her get her to sleep alone for more that 45 minutes, but eventually around 4.5 months she did it on her tummy, and with her thumb...
Best of luck!
Hi Becky! I just wrote that comment about "my friend's difficult baby" and realized who you are after! I hope that your little one is cooperating soon!!
xo
Angela Dyck (Lepp)
Hi! I found you through Heidi! So sorry about your baby not sleeping. My first was a crummy sleeper, but not as rough as you have going for you. We also have co-slept, and that works good for us, but like Shannan said, is not for everyone.
I also would second the chiropractor idea. It has helped us with our babies. My midwife also had us use probiotics for babies and that helped my second a lot and she has mostly been a good, happy sleeper. It helps their tummies. Also if she is rolling over tummy sleeping might help - i know many moms this has helped. But of course, this has to be something you are comfortable with, with the whole Back to Sleep campaign.
And does she scream a lot? I wonder if it could be acid reflux? My niece had it and wouldn't sleep and screamed a lot. Took them forever to figure out what it was?
Anyways...I feel for you. Hang in there, and try to get breaks and naps when you can.
Claire
Hi! I found you through Heidi! So sorry about your baby not sleeping. My first was a crummy sleeper, but not as rough as you have going for you. We also have co-slept, and that works good for us, but like Shannan said, is not for everyone.
I also would second the chiropractor idea. It has helped us with our babies. My midwife also had us use probiotics for babies and that helped my second a lot and she has mostly been a good, happy sleeper. It helps their tummies. Also if she is rolling over tummy sleeping might help - i know many moms this has helped. But of course, this has to be something you are comfortable with, with the whole Back to Sleep campaign.
And does she scream a lot? I wonder if it could be acid reflux? My niece had it and wouldn't sleep and screamed a lot. Took them forever to figure out what it was?
Anyways...I feel for you. Hang in there, and try to get breaks and naps when you can.
Claire
PS: Most moms with "drive you bonkers" first borns have "acts like a house plant" second borns.
The plus to this (once you get over wondering if the placid second born is "normal") is that you no longer wonder if first born's issues were parenting issues. Obviously not when second born is being such a delight.
The flip is the hilarious scene where a couple have a first and second born that are "easy peasy" and so having a third born is attempted. It is SO much fun to watch the perfect little family basically go up in flames...and finally understand that your first born's behaviour WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!
Hi again,
One more thing, and this is because I think you nailed it in your post when you said "to me it seems like she is scared of being alone...."
LISTEN to your instincts.
So many moms want to hold their crying babies, want to nurse them to sleep, even want to sleep with them, and are told they "shouldn't" do that. But if your gut tells you your baby needs to be with you, then please listen. You know that baby better than anyone else.
And just because I have to say it....when baby's are left to cry it out, they don't stop crying because they have learned to self-soothe. They stop crying because they don't believe that anyone is coming for them. They give up.
Crying is her only way of communicating with you, and if you ignore those cries, it can be harmful to long term bonding. When babies cry by themselves without comfort, there levels of stress hormones in their brains go up, which is not good for them.
I hope any of this was helpful.
Anno
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