Wikipedia says this: coping is expending conscious effort to solve personal and interpersonal problems, and seeking to master, minimize or tolerate stress or conflict.
( Weiten, W. & Lloyd, M.A. (2008) Psychology Applied to Modern Life (9th ed.). Wadsworth Cengage Learning. ISBN 0-495-55339-5.)
It's been a while. Actually, that's an understatement! It's been a year since my last published post. I suppose you could call it a case of writer's block. As in, I've been blocking my posts from ever getting published.
"Why?", you might ask. Well, when it comes down to it, every post I wrote shouted my frustration at my own short comings and failure to be the best at what I long to be best at: Motherhood. So in order for me to get over this writer's block, I will summarize the last year. And then, hopefully, I will become a regular blogger once again.
It wasn't an easy year for me physically. I was pregnant and endured 9 months of severe 24 hour vomiting, hospitizations and bed rest. It felt like 280 days of the worst flu I have ever had. During that time I also tore the meniscus in my knee and wore a brace that made me look like Robocop, and needed help up and down the stairs for weeks. I went about my daily chores limping and with 2 toddlers wrapped around my legs as I would vomit again and again and again, while trying to change diapers and make dinner and keep up with laundry and housework and getting groceries. I was up at least 3 times every night to comfort my oldest during her night terrors. I worked until I could barely walk because the baby I was carrying was so low and caused so much pain.
The emotional aspect of all of this was very hard for me. I went through some major bouts of depression. When I woke up in the morning, I didn't know how I would survive the utter exhaustion, vomiting, and physical pain I knew was before me. I didn't know where I would find the patience to handle 2 toddlers. It was a time of character building and "spiritual muscle" building like no other. With the peaceful birth of a tiny, perfect little girl, the physical discomfort ended.
And with her arrival, (I'm not going to post her birth story, but suffice to say that it was the easiest delivery out of the 3, and you can see the pics here) I realized why I had walked through fire for the previous 9 months. It was preparing me for the even crazier life that awaited me. I often get asked, "So what's it like with 3?" And, in all honestly, for me, it has been a lesson in....coping.
Some days, everyone does what they are supposed to, everything flows smoothly, and I feel like it was a victory day, and that I'm actually not too bad at this stay at home mother thing. Some days, one child is grumpy and the day goes by with a few tense moments, but overall, things are good. On a day when 2 kids are grumpy, I feel my patience wan and "dragon mommy", as my eldest lovingly refers to me as, pays a visit. On a day when all 3 are grumpy, well, on those days I think I would prefer to run screaming down the street with my hair on fire. On those days, it takes everything I have and more not to break down and throw the same tantrum my toddler is throwing. Those days are the ones that make me question why on earth I was chosen to be the mother of these unpredictable-yet-so-predictable little beings.
I am learning to cope. Cope with the fact that I am outnumbered 4 to 1 in the battle to keep my house clean. Cope with my inability to get 3 kids fed, cleaned, dressed, and in the car in under 90 minutes. Cope with aforementioned crazy kids and what feels like 1000 temper tantrums a day, and cope with 20 pounds of baby weight to go. Cope with mourning my favorite job because it doesn't make economic sense to work with 3 babies at home. Cope with my many imperfections and flaws, and cope with the fact that motherhood seems to magnify them tenfold. Cope with loving my kids so much it physically hurts me. Cope with feeling like I am ruining them for life. Cope with the lack of "me" time and the fact that it has taken me 2 months to write this post. Cope with barely being able to cope.
In closing today's post, I leave you with a verse that gave, and continues to give me the will to keep trying, keep fighting, and keep getting back up after failing. It is what helps me (sometimes, let's be honest here) to take a deep breath while I am faced with a screaming brood of kinder.
James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,a whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
