I can't believe how fast time is flying by. In 1.5 months, I will be home. HOME. My home. I am so excited, yet at the same time scared out of my wits. There are so many questions running through my mind.

Will it be as good as I imagined? Will all of the hours spent pining away for my homeland have been worth it? Will Julien adapt well? Will he be like I am here, miserable and pining away for HIS home? Will we have a social life, something that was so severely lacking here? How will we carve ourselves a place in friends' lives that are so used to us being gone? How will Charlotte adapt? Will she still understand French? Will I lose my French? Will we find jobs? Will we be destitute? Where are we going to live? How long will it take to get settled?

It's amazing how when you decide to do something, opportunities seem to open up where you are. All of a sudden, our weekends are chalk full running everywhere. All of a sudden, I have visitors during the week, whereas before it was like solitary confinement. All of a sudden, we are invited everywhere and have a bit of a social life.

It's amazing how life goes. And how your perspective changes when something is on the line. Yes, I'm sad to leave. I have 2 lives, 2 cultures, 2 families, 2 languages. I think that no matter where we are, we will be torn in 2. Now it's up to us to make sure that it's not a half life.

Memories

I haven't written in a while. The truth is that I've been in a funk ever since I came home from Vancouver. I realized just how hard the last year has been for me, and how utterly lonely the life of a stay at home mom is, especially when you don't have a car to get out and about or friends within a hundred mile radius.

But that's not what I want to write about today. I want to write about something positive, so here we go!
I was packing yesterday for our big move (yes, we are finally moving to Vancouver this spring!!!) and I started going through Charlotte's clothing. I couldn't believe the feelings of love and nostalgia that washed over me as I picked up the tiny little onesies and little tiny outfits and teeny weeny socks. I mean, she wore those only 9 short months ago. But it seems like a lifetime ago. And it's funny, because I never thought I would be able to look back on those first 7 months of her life with fond memories. At the time, I would grit my teeth and repeat to myself, "hang in there Becky, this too shall pass" as my daughter would scream for hours on end and refused to sleep, causing me to wonder if I was senile because of the crazy thoughts that entered my mind from sheer and utter exhaustion and worry. It's amazing how time makes you forget all of the sacrifice, the frustration, and being so sleep deprived you could fall asleep anywhere, even the loo.
I'm happy to say that my little bug has developed from a screaming baby into an awesome little toothless wonder (yep, still no teeth!) who crawls, gets into everything, is a chatterbox, makes funny faces, and actually sleeps. Granted, she doesn't sleep through the night. But that will come I'm sure. I'm so grateful for her. And I know I don't mention him much, but I'm grateful for Julien too. He's turned into an awesome husband and a super dad, doing dishes, helping with the housework, changing diapers, bathing the baby, and getting down on the floor to chase her around. I realize as I look at them how blessed I am and how I really shouldn't complain, even if the days are a little lonely.

Looking at Each Other In Wonderment

The closing ceremonies are over; the flame extinguished. When that flame went out with a haunting Neil Young singing, I think something in my heart broke a little.
We may be labled as tacky, cheesy, and completely unsophisticated by some. Ok, maybe some of us DID seem a little Happy Gilmorish at some of the events. But we were real. Proud. Full of sheer and utter elation to be such an integral part of something that was bigger than us.

But that feeling of being so proud your heart could burst is slowly dwindling. We become our quiet, respectful, polite selves once again. The flag is taken off our cars; the faces painted with our country's symbol are less and less. The tragedies, triumphs, danger, adversity, and joy will soon become nothing but a faded memory.

But that's the stuff that legends are made of.