Our 16 month old has really started to test us. Besides still not sleeping through the night, she has started the terrible ones. "Charlotte, we do not hit mommy." "Charlotte, we do not hit daddy". "Charlotte, we do not throw food on the floor." "We do not throw food on the floor". "We do not throw food on the floor". "We do not throw food on the floor". "We do not throw food on the floor". "We do not throw food on the floor". "We do not throw food on the floor". "We do not throw food on the floor". "We do not throw food on the floor".
And so repeats my day. Every meal time, she gets about 3 time outs for throwing food. It's a problem because she really does do it on purpose. She looks us straight in the eye, daring us to give her a time out. We've gotten used to her full body tantrums, and I've learned to just make sure her head is safe before simply walking away.
But we've tried pretty much everything we can think of to get her to stop throwing her food. We've ignored it, we've given a tap on the hand, we've given her time outs, we've taken her food away, we've made her clean it up. The problem is that it just doesn't work. She will come straight out of her time out and rebelliously throw something again, just to show us how angry she is. This has been getting consistantly worse over the last 6 months, to the point where we don't dare bring her anywhere else so there won't be spaghetti on our hosts' windows.
I'm kind of at my wits end. Who knew that a one year old could be so strong willed? My mother said that I was the same way, so I should know how to handle her. The trouble is, I really don't have a CLUE how to handle this stage. We try to be consistant and always explain why she's in time out. I try to control my temper, but it's true that by the end of the day I am 150% fed up of wiping food off the walls, the rugs, and myself, and tend to get a little angrier than when she does it at breakfast.
So that's where I'm at. I have a beautiful, bright little girl, but if you have any suggestions I'm all ears. I've worn out all my wash cloths.
2 comments:
i remember reading "the strong willed child" when tristan turned 15 months and went through a phase where he'd scream at the top of his lungs for no reason. i had no clue back then what strong willed was. now, with samuel, i know.
i've actually thought that he was undisciplinable (is that even a word?) for awhile because he'd just keep doing the same things over and over and over again. then, one day, it seemed to click for him and i've discovered that he IS disciplinable, it just takes waaaay longer than it did with tristan AND it has to be a "swift and terrible punishment" (in the words of dr. laura) which, for me, means a slap on the hand that hurts. he will often get 3 slaps in a row on his hand as he tests me and i have learned to never back down. he soon realizes that his red and stinging hand needs a break, and he changes his behavior. it has never been a one time thing, though, usually he's back at it within a few days and the hand slapping commences. after 2 or 3 of these episodes, he is done with that particular naughtiness for good.
i know that in this day and age "spanking" is really discouraged, but i think that at such a young age, it is the simplest way to get their attention and it is easy for them to understand. timeouts have their place, but i don't think they are effective for every age or every personality. the way i see it, if my kid is running into the road and there is a car about to hit them, i want to KNOW that they will stop when i yell "STOP!" at them. that thought gives me the strength to continue on and be consistant because ultimately we discipline them to keep them safe, just as the Lord does for us.
sorry for the novel, hope you find something that works for charlotte!
what Heidi said. *exactly*
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